The Gods smiled upon me...

I got up yesterday morning with the hope that I would show a loss this week at my meeting. I go to a Weight Watchers meeting at 10:00am every Saturday. I haven't missed a meeting since I re-joined June 21, 2008. Now I knew that I was much better at staying on program this week, even though we did have chinese food on New Year's Eve. I tried to order carefully but those little free crab rangoons get me every time....lol. But I must have done well during the rest of the week since I showed a -14.2lb loss on the scale. Yes, you did read that correctly...lol. I was hoping for a loss but I certainly wasn't expecting that much. With such a large loss I was able to erase my +11.8lb gain from last week and my +1.2lb gain from the week before and lose -1.2 on top of that. Miracles do happen!

Now these past three weigh-ins have showed me a few things.

1) It is really...really easy to re-gain recently loss weight.

2) It is much easier to lose weight if you stick to following the program.(DUH)

3) It really is different for me this time around.

As far as being different for me this time around, it truly must be. It has felt different for me since the beginning. In the past if I had a gain like last week I would have just quit then. I would have said it isn't worth all the trouble and kept the gains coming. But this time I didn't give in to the gain. I knew I was going to have one (wasn't expecting 11.8) so I was more mentally prepared I think. I was able to accept it and pick up and keep moving forward. And I will keep doing just that, moving forward. One thing I did that wouldn't have done in the past was admitt my gain in my meeting yesterday. Everyone was stunned when I told them my loss for the week but then I told them about my two gains. I am hoping that at least one person will have heard me and realize that a gain isn't the end of the world. It is just a stumble along the path.

Now I am back on program food wise but as far as my exercise is concerned I am severely lacking in that department. I haven't been to the Y in quite a while now. Between the holidays and the girls schedules at school it has been hard to have the time at the right times. I know those are pretty lame excuses but it is all I got right now....lol. It is hard to re-introduce exercise into you life after you have been sedentary for so long. I allow things to hold me back. Partly mental, partly physical. I think the mental part is the hardest to overcome. It is hard being the biggest person in the gym. I am heavier than all the women and I am heavier than all the men. And I know going to the gym will help that situation but it can take a lot of self-talk to get myself motivated enough to walk through those doors. And then when I do that is when the physical takes over. A lot of the equipment isn't set-up or designed for someone of my size to use. For my cardio I would prefer to use the bike over the treadmill since it is much easier on my hips and knees, but the bikes at the Y are so close together I can't get on them. Sure there is the recumbent bikes, but they are uncomfortable for me to use since I carry a lot of my weight in front and have a rather large "apron" and it rests on my legs and makes it hard to pedal. So I use the treadmill and it causes my hips and knees to hurt so badly that I can't use it anywhere near as long I need to. I know these are excuses and that I should just get in there and do it, and I will. One of the things for 2009 that I am making a goal is to work through my mental issues about my weight. Because I know gaining a healthy lifestyle isn't just about losing weight, it is also about losing negative thoughts and mental and emotional barriers that I put in place for myself.