I was wistfully lamenting to my husband about how I really needed some downtime. To just sit and do as I want to do without recriminations or the feelings of guilt I normally feel. I even jokefully teased him that I was going to take Monday off from work to do just that. But alas when Monday morning came around I got up and got myself and the girls ready for our day. Things progressed along nicely until about 12:10pm. I got a call from my youngest daughters school that she is in the clinic. She is complaining about an upset stomach and she has a fever of 99.4 and that I would have to come get her. I thought I heard the woman on the other end of the line incorrectly. So I asked her "99.4?". "Yes", she replied, "You will have to come and get her." Now I am all for getting my children from school when they are ill. It isn't fair to them or the other children to leave them in school if they aren't feeling well. But...99.4? It isn't even a full degree above a "normal" temperature. Now normally they school requires you to pick-up your children if they have a temperature over 100, but with the complete and utter PANIC about the H1N1 virus, otherwise known as the swine flu, they are erring wayyyy too far on the side of caution. I truly understand their concerns about this strain of flu since we don't have any true vaccine for it. But.....seriously folks. Your average, everyday common flu causes more damage and wreaks more havoc than what we are experiencing now.
So, here I sit. At home, in front of the computer on Monday afternoon. Now I know I jokingly said that I wanted to be home on Monday, but I certainly didn't want it to happen this way...lol. Well, I better go check the youngin' to make sure she has't sprouted a curly tail and started oinking on me....LOL!
Monday, May 11, 2009
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Really need an assistant...lol
Wow, I really need a "life assistant"...lol. If I had someone like that in my life I would be able to do what I need to get done everyday. Well, I don't see any hands from anyone volunteering for the job....LOL.
I have been struggling with following the program for the last few weeks. I know what needs to be done and I know I need to be doing it, but I just don't seem to be doing it. Now don't get me wrong. I haven't completely given up and stopped following the program completely. I am able to stick with it Monday through Friday, during the day, while I am at work. It is during those "free" hours. After work and on the weekends that are getting tough for me. I know part of the reason why I have been struggling is because I have things happening in my life that have a tendency to upset "the apple cart". Now don't get me wrong I know life happens. There is always going to be something going on and things happening. But I am still, even now as the school year ends, trying to come to grips with all of the "extra" things that go on now that both of my girls are in school. The older they get the busier I get...lol. And little things like the insurance company telling you that they aren't going to re-new one of your home-owners policies unless you get a four-point inspection (that lucky me gets to pay for) throws yet another wrench into the wheels of my life. Maybe not normally a huge thing but when your house is as old as mine you start to wonder if it is really worth it. Should I fix the things that need fixing or should I just sell the house and rent some place. Let someone else worry about things as they break or need replacing.
With all the things going on each day I feel like I just run out of time to do the things that I would like to do. The things that I should do. The things that I NEED to do. I like so many other women out there walk around with that constant level of guilt. I constantly feel guilty that...
I don't have enough time to spend with my girls.
I don't have enough time to spend with my husband.
I don't have enough time to spend on my favorite WW boards.
I don't have enough time to workout each day.
I don't have enough time to have time for me.
The list goes on and on. Now I know, if I sat down and really worked out a really precise schedule for myself I might be able to do it all each day, but just when do I find the time to do that? This is where the assistant would help out. They could sit down and work out that schedule for me. They could follow me around all day long and let me know what I need to be doing at that present time. Ahhhh....I can dream can't I?...LOL! I know real life doesn't work that way. And I know eventually I should be able to get things somewhat balanced out. But it sure would be awesome if I had an assistant to do it for me.....LOL!
I have been struggling with following the program for the last few weeks. I know what needs to be done and I know I need to be doing it, but I just don't seem to be doing it. Now don't get me wrong. I haven't completely given up and stopped following the program completely. I am able to stick with it Monday through Friday, during the day, while I am at work. It is during those "free" hours. After work and on the weekends that are getting tough for me. I know part of the reason why I have been struggling is because I have things happening in my life that have a tendency to upset "the apple cart". Now don't get me wrong I know life happens. There is always going to be something going on and things happening. But I am still, even now as the school year ends, trying to come to grips with all of the "extra" things that go on now that both of my girls are in school. The older they get the busier I get...lol. And little things like the insurance company telling you that they aren't going to re-new one of your home-owners policies unless you get a four-point inspection (that lucky me gets to pay for) throws yet another wrench into the wheels of my life. Maybe not normally a huge thing but when your house is as old as mine you start to wonder if it is really worth it. Should I fix the things that need fixing or should I just sell the house and rent some place. Let someone else worry about things as they break or need replacing.
With all the things going on each day I feel like I just run out of time to do the things that I would like to do. The things that I should do. The things that I NEED to do. I like so many other women out there walk around with that constant level of guilt. I constantly feel guilty that...
I don't have enough time to spend with my girls.
I don't have enough time to spend with my husband.
I don't have enough time to spend on my favorite WW boards.
I don't have enough time to workout each day.
I don't have enough time to have time for me.
The list goes on and on. Now I know, if I sat down and really worked out a really precise schedule for myself I might be able to do it all each day, but just when do I find the time to do that? This is where the assistant would help out. They could sit down and work out that schedule for me. They could follow me around all day long and let me know what I need to be doing at that present time. Ahhhh....I can dream can't I?...LOL! I know real life doesn't work that way. And I know eventually I should be able to get things somewhat balanced out. But it sure would be awesome if I had an assistant to do it for me.....LOL!
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Me, myself & The computer
I have really got to make time to get on the computer and blog more. I find that the more I stay away from the computer the more I have a tendency to stray from my healthier lifestyle. Who would have ever thought that a computer would play such a big role in a weight loss/lifestyle change? Is the computer the key I was missing all these years? Was technology the boost I needed to keep myself on track? I am beginning to think so especially after last week.
Last week I only worked a day and a half. The company I work for is like so many others out there right now, struggling to keep itself afloat. Me and my co-workers have been lucky in that they have been trying really hard not to lay any of us off. But it is looking like that might not be an option in the near future. If it happens it happens and I have been trying not to stress over it, but it is always in the back of my mind. I know it is contributing to my wanting to eat more than I have normally been doing. Also being home has truly made it increasingly hard for me to stay on track with my program. I have found that if I am busy with work, etc., I don't have time to eat or even think about it. But when I am at home with unstructured time all I think about is eating. I have been trying to keep to my schedule as far as my food goes during the day, trying to eat at the times I would be if I was at work. It is helping to some extent. But knowing that there are other things there available to me plays in my head all day. I haven't been indulging in anything too horribly bad for me, just too much of the "good" stuff like sandwich thins and wheat crackers.
The computer comes into play on Friday. After I got home from taking my girls to school, shopping at Walmart and getting my nails done I planted myself at my desk in front of my computer and stayed there until my husband and oldest daughter got home from their day. That is from about 9am until 4:30pm. Long time. But during that time I was on the computer I didn't over-indulge myself. I made and ate a sensible breakfast and lunch. I drank my water. I didn't ever really think about eating anything else. I wasn't doing anything special on the computer. I was on the WW boards A LOT, I checked out my oldest daughters grades, played some games. But the thing that stands out the most to me is that I didn't over eat.
Now the key is putting this knowledge to work for me. One thing that has come to mind is that maybe I need to start a new hobby that keeps my hands busy so that during those times that I am sitting relaxing I won't be doing it with a pile of turkey pepperoni and wedge of cheese. This time on the Weight Watcher program has definately been a lot different from any other time. I have been learning a lot about myself and the things that make me tick. It is turning out to be a real opportunity for me to grow and change. This time around I actually have hope that it is going to permanent. That I am going to reach a healthy weight and I am going to stay there because I know it is far more important to be healthy for myself and my family, than it is eating that next slice of pizza.
Last week I only worked a day and a half. The company I work for is like so many others out there right now, struggling to keep itself afloat. Me and my co-workers have been lucky in that they have been trying really hard not to lay any of us off. But it is looking like that might not be an option in the near future. If it happens it happens and I have been trying not to stress over it, but it is always in the back of my mind. I know it is contributing to my wanting to eat more than I have normally been doing. Also being home has truly made it increasingly hard for me to stay on track with my program. I have found that if I am busy with work, etc., I don't have time to eat or even think about it. But when I am at home with unstructured time all I think about is eating. I have been trying to keep to my schedule as far as my food goes during the day, trying to eat at the times I would be if I was at work. It is helping to some extent. But knowing that there are other things there available to me plays in my head all day. I haven't been indulging in anything too horribly bad for me, just too much of the "good" stuff like sandwich thins and wheat crackers.
The computer comes into play on Friday. After I got home from taking my girls to school, shopping at Walmart and getting my nails done I planted myself at my desk in front of my computer and stayed there until my husband and oldest daughter got home from their day. That is from about 9am until 4:30pm. Long time. But during that time I was on the computer I didn't over-indulge myself. I made and ate a sensible breakfast and lunch. I drank my water. I didn't ever really think about eating anything else. I wasn't doing anything special on the computer. I was on the WW boards A LOT, I checked out my oldest daughters grades, played some games. But the thing that stands out the most to me is that I didn't over eat.
Now the key is putting this knowledge to work for me. One thing that has come to mind is that maybe I need to start a new hobby that keeps my hands busy so that during those times that I am sitting relaxing I won't be doing it with a pile of turkey pepperoni and wedge of cheese. This time on the Weight Watcher program has definately been a lot different from any other time. I have been learning a lot about myself and the things that make me tick. It is turning out to be a real opportunity for me to grow and change. This time around I actually have hope that it is going to permanent. That I am going to reach a healthy weight and I am going to stay there because I know it is far more important to be healthy for myself and my family, than it is eating that next slice of pizza.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
The Gods smiled upon me...
I got up yesterday morning with the hope that I would show a loss this week at my meeting. I go to a Weight Watchers meeting at 10:00am every Saturday. I haven't missed a meeting since I re-joined June 21, 2008. Now I knew that I was much better at staying on program this week, even though we did have chinese food on New Year's Eve. I tried to order carefully but those little free crab rangoons get me every time....lol. But I must have done well during the rest of the week since I showed a -14.2lb loss on the scale. Yes, you did read that correctly...lol. I was hoping for a loss but I certainly wasn't expecting that much. With such a large loss I was able to erase my +11.8lb gain from last week and my +1.2lb gain from the week before and lose -1.2 on top of that. Miracles do happen!
Now these past three weigh-ins have showed me a few things.
1) It is really...really easy to re-gain recently loss weight.
2) It is much easier to lose weight if you stick to following the program.(DUH)
3) It really is different for me this time around.
As far as being different for me this time around, it truly must be. It has felt different for me since the beginning. In the past if I had a gain like last week I would have just quit then. I would have said it isn't worth all the trouble and kept the gains coming. But this time I didn't give in to the gain. I knew I was going to have one (wasn't expecting 11.8) so I was more mentally prepared I think. I was able to accept it and pick up and keep moving forward. And I will keep doing just that, moving forward. One thing I did that wouldn't have done in the past was admitt my gain in my meeting yesterday. Everyone was stunned when I told them my loss for the week but then I told them about my two gains. I am hoping that at least one person will have heard me and realize that a gain isn't the end of the world. It is just a stumble along the path.
Now I am back on program food wise but as far as my exercise is concerned I am severely lacking in that department. I haven't been to the Y in quite a while now. Between the holidays and the girls schedules at school it has been hard to have the time at the right times. I know those are pretty lame excuses but it is all I got right now....lol. It is hard to re-introduce exercise into you life after you have been sedentary for so long. I allow things to hold me back. Partly mental, partly physical. I think the mental part is the hardest to overcome. It is hard being the biggest person in the gym. I am heavier than all the women and I am heavier than all the men. And I know going to the gym will help that situation but it can take a lot of self-talk to get myself motivated enough to walk through those doors. And then when I do that is when the physical takes over. A lot of the equipment isn't set-up or designed for someone of my size to use. For my cardio I would prefer to use the bike over the treadmill since it is much easier on my hips and knees, but the bikes at the Y are so close together I can't get on them. Sure there is the recumbent bikes, but they are uncomfortable for me to use since I carry a lot of my weight in front and have a rather large "apron" and it rests on my legs and makes it hard to pedal. So I use the treadmill and it causes my hips and knees to hurt so badly that I can't use it anywhere near as long I need to. I know these are excuses and that I should just get in there and do it, and I will. One of the things for 2009 that I am making a goal is to work through my mental issues about my weight. Because I know gaining a healthy lifestyle isn't just about losing weight, it is also about losing negative thoughts and mental and emotional barriers that I put in place for myself.
Now these past three weigh-ins have showed me a few things.
1) It is really...really easy to re-gain recently loss weight.
2) It is much easier to lose weight if you stick to following the program.(DUH)
3) It really is different for me this time around.
As far as being different for me this time around, it truly must be. It has felt different for me since the beginning. In the past if I had a gain like last week I would have just quit then. I would have said it isn't worth all the trouble and kept the gains coming. But this time I didn't give in to the gain. I knew I was going to have one (wasn't expecting 11.8) so I was more mentally prepared I think. I was able to accept it and pick up and keep moving forward. And I will keep doing just that, moving forward. One thing I did that wouldn't have done in the past was admitt my gain in my meeting yesterday. Everyone was stunned when I told them my loss for the week but then I told them about my two gains. I am hoping that at least one person will have heard me and realize that a gain isn't the end of the world. It is just a stumble along the path.
Now I am back on program food wise but as far as my exercise is concerned I am severely lacking in that department. I haven't been to the Y in quite a while now. Between the holidays and the girls schedules at school it has been hard to have the time at the right times. I know those are pretty lame excuses but it is all I got right now....lol. It is hard to re-introduce exercise into you life after you have been sedentary for so long. I allow things to hold me back. Partly mental, partly physical. I think the mental part is the hardest to overcome. It is hard being the biggest person in the gym. I am heavier than all the women and I am heavier than all the men. And I know going to the gym will help that situation but it can take a lot of self-talk to get myself motivated enough to walk through those doors. And then when I do that is when the physical takes over. A lot of the equipment isn't set-up or designed for someone of my size to use. For my cardio I would prefer to use the bike over the treadmill since it is much easier on my hips and knees, but the bikes at the Y are so close together I can't get on them. Sure there is the recumbent bikes, but they are uncomfortable for me to use since I carry a lot of my weight in front and have a rather large "apron" and it rests on my legs and makes it hard to pedal. So I use the treadmill and it causes my hips and knees to hurt so badly that I can't use it anywhere near as long I need to. I know these are excuses and that I should just get in there and do it, and I will. One of the things for 2009 that I am making a goal is to work through my mental issues about my weight. Because I know gaining a healthy lifestyle isn't just about losing weight, it is also about losing negative thoughts and mental and emotional barriers that I put in place for myself.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Ahhh...the New Year is here!
Well, the new year is here. What wonderful things will it bring with it this time? Twelve months of opportunities...twelve months of succeeding with my weight loss and healthy lifestyle changes...twelve months of potential to fail. But we won't think about the last one....LOL.
January....it is the month of resolutions. Where everything appears shiny and new. It is the month that spirits are lifted and then so many are broken. I am a firm believer in NOT MAKING RESOLUTIONS! I truly believe that they set a person up for failure. We all have a tendency to make resolutions that are completely unrealistic so that when we don't reach them we see ourselves as failures and it can start a whole landslide of emotions that can thoroughly defeat us. I believe in setting smaller "mini" goals. Sit down and really be honest with yourself and decide what "goal" you can reach that is realistic and attainable. And after you have reached this one, and I know you will, make another "mini" goal. Setting smaller "mini" goals, and reaching them, helps build ones self-confidence. It shows us that we aren't failures and that we can do the things we set out to do. I have used this approach to losing weight with Weight Watchers. I don't think about my "ultimate" goal, because it is just too large and far away for me to even think about. I keep setting smaller goals, like reaching the next 10%. I honestly believe that is why I am still on the program. I have been struggling as of late, but I am still doing it. In the past I would have just said forget it and quit, but this time I am sticking with it no matter what the scale tells me.
I am looking forward to making more progress with changing my lifestyle and my families lifestyles as well. We have already made changes but we definately need to make more. I have to believe that with every change we make we are moving in a positive direction and creating a lifestyle that makes us all happier and healthier.
January....it is the month of resolutions. Where everything appears shiny and new. It is the month that spirits are lifted and then so many are broken. I am a firm believer in NOT MAKING RESOLUTIONS! I truly believe that they set a person up for failure. We all have a tendency to make resolutions that are completely unrealistic so that when we don't reach them we see ourselves as failures and it can start a whole landslide of emotions that can thoroughly defeat us. I believe in setting smaller "mini" goals. Sit down and really be honest with yourself and decide what "goal" you can reach that is realistic and attainable. And after you have reached this one, and I know you will, make another "mini" goal. Setting smaller "mini" goals, and reaching them, helps build ones self-confidence. It shows us that we aren't failures and that we can do the things we set out to do. I have used this approach to losing weight with Weight Watchers. I don't think about my "ultimate" goal, because it is just too large and far away for me to even think about. I keep setting smaller goals, like reaching the next 10%. I honestly believe that is why I am still on the program. I have been struggling as of late, but I am still doing it. In the past I would have just said forget it and quit, but this time I am sticking with it no matter what the scale tells me.
I am looking forward to making more progress with changing my lifestyle and my families lifestyles as well. We have already made changes but we definately need to make more. I have to believe that with every change we make we are moving in a positive direction and creating a lifestyle that makes us all happier and healthier.
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